40 signs you know you’ve hit middle age

Unfortunately, there are some inevitabilities in life. One of them is ageing. Scouse Bird Blogs has given us her list of ways you know your’e reaching middle aged!

You can either fight it with every fibre of your botox’d forehead or you can grow old gracefully and have a laugh along the way. Here’s 40 ways you know you’re getting old and it’s not just as simple as turning 40 believe it or not…

1. If you’re a woman you’ll find that you have to lift your tits up to tan underneath them, and if you’re a fella, you’ll suddenly find you have tits.
2. Half your sky planner is full of true crime documentaries.
3. You take a coat out to town. And don’t give a crap.
4. You’ve got yourself a snazzy trolly token keyring.
5. You’ve started using words like snazzy or trendy.

6. You get drunk on a Friday night and not Saturday, so you have a full 2 days to recover.

7. You stop getting River Island and Zara vouchers for Christmas and start getting M&S and Next vouchers.

8. You regularly need to check Urban Dictionary for all the new words – wtf is a stan or a thot anyway?

9. You friends start having babies and getting married… on purpose.

10. You can remember fashions like scrunchies and chokers the first-time round.

11. You can remember songs that are getting sampled in dance tracks and on Tik Tok remixes from when they first came out. I swear that Ashanti song was from two summers ago, but Wikipedia says it’s nearly 20 years old. Weird.

12. You go to B&Q on a Sunday morning at a time when you used to be getting in from a night out.

13. You look at all the adults, adulting in the screw aisle of B&Q and realise you’re one of them.

14. A wild Friday night is a teapot full of tea and not one, but TWO kit kats.

15. Wild horses couldn’t drag you out to town on a night out. Not for all the free vodka and gin in all the land would you trade the warmth of your bed for queuing at a bar and crying over the balls of your feet burning.

16. You own more pyjamas than going out clothes.

17. You own every single kitchen gadget known to Amazon and Ali Express. Never again will you have to manually take the leaves off a strawberry now that you have your very own strawberry husker.

18. Sunny weather means being able to empty the washing basket and not an automatic ring round to everyone you know to get down to the nearest beer garden.

19. You start coming out with stuff your mum or dad says.

20. You get excited for the bank holiday for a lie in instead of the night out.

21. You’ve got a loyalty card for everywhere.

22. You/ your bird has given serious consideration to wearing the Mersey rail flip flops at the races, “I don’t see what all the fuss is about to be honest.”

23. You go the races on the Thursday

24. You spend half your life plucking chin hairs or if you’re a fella you spend half your life where the hairs on your hairline are going… maybe they’re ending up on your bird’s chin?

25. Going to Aldi and Lidl carries the same level of excitement as when you went to Toys R Us as a kid. What will that middle aisle throw up this time?

26. Toys R Us and Woolworths going bust hit you hard. That’s literally your entire childhood wiped out.

27. You avoid mirrors in natural light because artificial light doesn’t make a show of all your wrinkles.

28. You love a good bath. Know what I mean? Like it’s the best part of the day, isn’t it? Well, a bath is the best part of the day until you get out, get dry and put your dressing gown on that is. Your dressing gown is your fave item of clothing. It’s definitely not a house coat either.

29. You love a good walk round a National Trust property on a Sunday. Card carrying member and everything.

30. Home décor/DIY accounts on Instagram are your guilty pleasure. You follow at least 415.

31. You check Rightmove and zoopla at least 10 times a day and say your budget is at least a million just cos you’re nosy AF.

32. You buy 1 bottle of wine for a tenner instead of 3. “I just don’t know how people can drink that swill, Mark.”

33. You have a well-stocked liquor cabinet instead of just buying a bottle of Glens vodka on Friday and it being gone by Sunday.

34. When you go away on holiday, after a few days you can’t wait to be home in your own bed. You’ve given serious thought to taking your own pillow.

35. You’ve had vague panics about how sufficient your pension is.

36. You’ve injured yourself just getting up out of a chair or sitting in a chair for too long.

37. New bedding proper turns you on.

38. The sexiest thing your other half can do is take the bins out.

39. You know how to barbecue without giving everyone food poisoning.

40. You’re reading this to see how many you’re guilty of.