A dad shares how Claire House gave him a lifeline where he least expected it

As International Men’s Day approaches, one Merseyside dad is sharing how Claire House Children’s Hospice gave him a lifeline at a time when speaking about his grief felt impossible.

When Jamie O’Toole said goodbye to his baby son Milo, he felt as though his world had stopped. Milo died when he was just 11 days old, and in the months that followed, Jamie found himself unable to open up to even his closest friends and family.

But an unexpected invitation from Claire House, which supported the family before and after Milo’s death, became the turning point.

He said: “In those first 12 months, I felt really isolated. It was difficult to speak to family and friends, and some people tend to forget. I really struggled,” Jamie says.

Alex Wheeler from Claire House had encouraged him to join a group of dads who played golf together, even though Jamie hadn’t picked up a club in two decades. Claire House, which has a hospice in Wirral and a site in West Derby, supports babies, children and young adults with serious and terminal conditions – but it’s also there for families, offering alternative ways for parents to connect and heal.

Skeptical at first, Jamie wasn’t sure how playing golf could help with the pain of losing a child. But after giving it a try, he found something he didn’t expect: a space where talking felt easier.

Jamie said: “I entered my first Claire House golf event in April 2024, more than a year after Milo died in August 2022. I was apprehensive. I wasn’t very good, but neither were most of the lads there, so I fitted in quite well,” he says with a smile.

“I think it’s more difficult for men to open up. The group has been really useful for that. You can talk to dads who’ve been through similar things and help others too.”

For Jamie, the group has become a way to keep Milo’s memory close. “Playing golf and taking part in charity days keeps his memory alive. I like telling people about Milo and how much the group helps dads keep going and keep talking.”

He says the support has changed his life: “I wasn’t in a great place, and I can happily say that today I’m feeling a lot better about life and looking forward to things a lot more.”

Jamie has since spoken at the M&S Bank golf day at Carden Park and even took part in Claire House does Strictly in Liverpool, performing the rumba to raise funds for the hospice.

He said: “Strictly gave me a chance to have fun while giving something back. It felt good to do something positive in memory of Milo,”

The Claire House golf group is led by therapeutic support worker Alex Wheeler, who says the sessions offer much more than time on the fairway.

“For many dads, grief can feel lonely, especially when they’re expected to be strong. On the course, talking is optional, but when they do, it’s a safe place to share, laugh and know they’re not alone,” he says.

“People think hospices are all about endings. But so much of what we do is about helping families keep living, even after the worst has happened.”

International Men’s Day on 19 November aims to highlight men’s well-being and celebrate the positive contributions they make in society.

For more about Claire House, visit their website.

Claire House welcomed increased funding from UK Government for Children’s Hospices. Find out more.

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