A Scouse girls inner monologue whilst getting ready for the races…
2 years ago
The big day is here, it’s finally time to dust off those false eye-lashes, find the biggest hat you’ve ever seen and get the blister plasters ready for the Grand National Festival at Aintree Racecourse.
As thousands upon thousands of girls not just here in Liverpool, but right across the UK start their ‘getting ready routine’ for the races we thought we’d try and find out what really goes through the mind of a race-going woman the morning of. And who better to tell us than Scouse Bird Blogs…
7:00am Okay, so I’ve just got out of the shower and I’ve got two hours until I need to be at the champagne brekky. TWO WHOLE HOURS. That’s so much time. I can just relax and chill, this is going to be such a nice day.
7:01am I’ll just have a little lie down on the bed and let myself air dry while I have a look on Tik Tok. And Instagram. And just send some e-mails. Maybe see if I can find any tips on Twitter. Back to Tik Tok… ooo an eyeliner hack, that looks easy, I’ll try that in a bit!
7:31am Oh dear, half an hour wasted! This is FINE, still plenty of time. No stress, let’s just have a little sip of this bucks fizz while I start getting ready. Right, shall I start my makeup or hair first? I think I’ll go with my base first, then my hair so it doesn’t drop too much, then come back and do the eyes. Perfect plan. God, I am brilliant at time keeping today.
7:39am Base done! I just look like I do every day though, maybe I should go a bit more intense with the contour? This is the races like AKA the Scouse Oscars and if I get papped then I want my cheekbones to be SEEN.
7:45am Well, this is not working at all. How do the queens on Drag Race always manage to make this look so good? Never mind, I’ll come back to it. Need to sort my hair. WHY didn’t I book an appointment in time??
8:00am Oh god, that took forever and it’s so frizzy. Why didn’t I wash my hair yesterday to give it time to settle? Why can’t I be an organised person and just book a hairdressers appointment?
8:01am Fantastic, the heat off my hairdryer has melted my foundation and contouring off. Now I look like one of the contestants on Ru Paul, but when they’ve been crying and my muzzy has got sweat beads forming.
8:15am Right, base fixed. Sort of. Now back to my hair. Curly or straight, curly or straight..? Curly I think, more glam to make up for the fact that my contouring is so not on point. Do I try and attempt a hair up to secure this fascinator?
8:16am God it’s so boring separating hair and doing it all in bits. I need another Bucks Fizz, I’ll have a little go on Tik Tok and then make myself another drink.
8:33am Curling complete! Aaaaaaand I look like a poodle.
8:34am I’m going to straighten it. It’s fine, I have GHDs – they were made for straightening naturally curly hair, so I’m sure they’ll cope with this just fine. Maybe I shouldn’t have used so much hairspray though, is that crispy sizzling sound normal?
8:40am Oh god, what a bad idea that was. My hair’s now gone all slick and limp. I look like Severus Snape. THIS IS SO NOT RACES STANDARD. I’ll try curling the ends to give it a bit of something again.
8:41am My hair is just sh*t. I’ll just have to hide as much of it as I can under the fascinator.
8:42am I’ll finish my makeup; my hair might look better once that’s done. Right, let me get that Tiktok tutorial back up so I can try this eyeliner hack. I don’t have that one she’s using and I’m notoriously awful at drawing lines but I’m sure it’ll be fine. It looks so easy??
8:46am I’m confused. The girl in the video looks all sultry and glamorous; why do I look like I’m going to a fancy dress party as Cleopatra?
8:47am, That hasn’t worked. Half of my face is black. I look like I’m wearing one of those masks that burglars wear in cartoons. ABORT MISSION, where are the face wipes?
8:49am Right, I suppose I’ll do bold lips rather than eyes today. Need to make it a bold colour. Red is always a safe bet… but red lips won’t go with my dress. Maybe I shouldn’t wear that dress?
8:51am I fake tanned last night but I still look SO pale. Maybe it’s just the light in this room? Let me go and check in the downstairs mirror.
8:51am No, I am DEFINITELY pale. I need to apply some instant tan. I’ll just have to blend it into my neck as best as I can and hope nobody notices my face is a different colour… Is it supposed to rain today?
8:57am Okay, I am a bronzed goddess. I look so much skinnier, hurray! Time to sit down in the mirror and put my false eyelashes on, let’s say a little prayer
9:00am OH MY GOD, WHY WON’T YOU STICK DOWN?!
9:02am Great, I’m late now. I should be having a glass of bottomless prosecco right now. I’ll just text me mate… “On my way x”… That should buy me some time.
9:04am One lash on – success! I feel I have the technique down now, the second one will be easier.
9:09am The other lash is wonky AND now the original has started to flap. Whatever, I’m just going to apply loads more eyeliner and hope nobody notices. Best take my glue with me.
9:11am ARGH. While I’ve been kneeling down my fake tan has rubbed off! Need to apply some more to my knees.
9:13am Now it’s sweating off because I’m stressed! I can also feel my eyelash poking me in the corner of my eye. I don’t think I can cope with that all day. MORE STRESS. I’ll get the hairdryer and dry my legs.
9:17am Okay, I can’t risk the tan rubbing off onto my clothes yet. I’ll just have to sit here patiently on my bed naked until I feel less sticky.
9:33am Time to get dressed. Wow, I’ve really not done bad for time when you think about it. These heels are hurting me already, do you think anyone will judge me if I wear the Merseyrail flip flops on the way IN to the races?
9:35am I’ll just ring a taxi now, fuck they’re all busy. I’ll tell me mates I’m round the corner stuck in traffic and to get me a couple of proseccos to play catch up.
And they’re off…