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1 – When you first start working here you immediately begin to study for a Phd in folding dressing gowns and fleecy pyjamas. The training is intense, sometimes you can do five hours of constant folding, only for a customer to pull a pair of snoopy pjays off the bottom shelf and you have to spend the rest of your shift fixing it. FFS!
2 – We’re taught to hide our emotions. It takes around two hours to tidy and hang approx 200 pairs of flip flops………and around 48 seconds for it to all be on the floor. Nervous breakdowns happen 2 sometimes 3 times a day.
3 – The ladies footwear department is like a jungle. Helping customers locate their own shoes after momentarily leaving them to pose in the mirror, is a daily occurrence. Customers have brought pairs of shoes to the till while staff are helping their owner to find them among the scrabble. We’re a city of shoe lovers, keep them close!
4 – The rubbish left by some customers will seriously surprise you. In fact after a couple of months on the primary job, what is eft behind doesn’t surprise you anymore. I would love to go in to detail, but I wouldn’t want to spoil your tea tonight!
5 – The men who are left standing around outside on a weekly basis are rumoured to be starting a club. Sick and tired of being left to wonder if their partners are ever coming back, they silently fume and contemplate the single life every Saturday afternoon. They’ve become good friends with the front door security staff and have a bit of footy banter going on. Aww.
6- A customer once left a Gregg’s Steakbake under a pile of (perfectly arranged) £1 french knickers. The filling had oozed out and at least £10 worth of soiled stock had to be written off. Senseless waste of pastry never mind the underwear.
7 – Staying with undies, if you get assigned the task of sorting and restocking packet knickers on the 2nd floor, you’ve seriously pissed off your supervisor. It’s a horrible, thankless task that only new or really annoying people get told to do. Unlucky.
8 – Customers with absolutely no need whatsoever will barge into the lifts and it drives us nuts! There are people with buggies and wheelchair users who genuinely need the lifts to get about. Customers have complained that they’ve been stranded in kids wear for days. Do us a favour will you, stop being bone-idle lazy and jump on the moving escalators? Also, if you’re visiting kidswear, take some supplies, just in case.
9 – The customer service tills, situated in menswear in the basement, have the best staff. They deal with customers returning 34 £2 t-shirts that have clearly been worn, and girls who bring back white dresses and tops covered in foundation and heels that were boss for a Friday night out but are mysteriously missing a heels tip, despite the customer swearing down that they haven’t been worn outside. And the staff just smile and accept your bullshit and refund you your £4. Legends.
10 – Don’t try and rob stuff for Primark. It might be cheap but they’re not stupid. And if you really need that skinny black patent belt for your Saturday night outfit, do the decent thing and PAY £3 FOR IT! The security might look a bit despondent, but they could defo take on Usain Bolt in a sprint up Church St.
If you’re heading into store this weekend, we’re here to ensure you have a pleasurable shopping experience and leave with bags bursting full of bargains. Maybe just finish your Gregg’s first though, yeah?
Primark Liverpool, 48-56 Church Street. www.primark.com
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