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Scouse Bird shares her 10 perks of pregnancy

1 year ago

Scouse Bird shares her 10 perks of pregnancy
Credit: Suhyeon Choi on Unsplash

There seems to have been a huge baby boom recently. So I thought I’d share some of my fave perks from when I was pregnant myself. Here goes…

I don’t know whether it’s people trying to stay in and save money or whether people have been doing… other things to keep warm besides putting the heating on. Either way, 2023 is going to see us awash with a new wave of little Scousers and Scousettes.

For all the pregnant people out there, I know these nine *coughs* ten *coughs* months can be super tough so with that in mind, although you can’t enjoy your favourite glass of wine on a Friday night or demolish a charcuterie board, here are 10 major perks of pregnancy.

Pregnancy

You can eat what you want

Obviously apart from aforementioned charcuterie board and swordfish (I know, such a shame, right?) all bets are off when it comes to eating. Technically in an ideal world we’d all be able to eat whatever we want, whenever we want without anyone passing judgement but we don’t live in an ideal world do we and Auntie Margaret always likes to get her salty 2p’s worth in. However, at this time in your life if you fancy a KFC and a Maccies at 3am, your fella best get his trainees on and go get it. Even yer nan will be telling you to eat for two and you’ll probably get at least 6 months grace period after the birth before she tells you you’re a bit chubby. A win is a win.

You’ll always have a seat

Ok so this only works once you’re past the “Is she pregnant or has she just overindulged at Christmas?” stage but to save any confusion, a quick wince and a rub of the belly will have everyone and anyone on public transport falling over themselves to give you a seat. Enjoy it like the queen that you are. Once you have a crying infant, I can’t guarantee people will be quite so kind and accommodating.

No grunt work

Sure, your fella normally ignores your pleas to help you move furniture until you end up having to draw on the strength of a thousand ancestors to get that 3-ton armoire in its new more feng shui position all by yourself. That’s a thing of the past though, carrying even so much as a cup of tea from the kitchen to the couch is too much for you queen, have your peasant (fella) carry it for you.

Pregnancy
Credit: Kira auf der Heide

Unlimited tea

Much like the 3am Maccies run, unlimited cups of tea (decaf of course, got to stick under that 200mg a day caffeine limit) are yours, and you probably won’t have to make a single one of them.

All the DIY will be done

That new bathroom (you need it for bathing the baby), that lick of paint (can’t have the baby coming into a grotty house), that spare bedroom (for all the grandparents to stay and babysit), all the stuff you’ve been subtly suggesting you get done round the house suddenly has a deadline and voila, it’s done. Ahhhh bliss.

You lose all bodily inhibitions

Remember that time when you were too scared to book in for your smear because you were worried about how it would feel and whether the nurse would be bothered about your bits. LOL, fun times, fun times. Now half the medical team at the women’s have had their faces inches from your bits and your midwife loves a good rummage round down there so a smear, a Hollywood wax etc all seem like a walk in the park from now on – you may even open an Only Fans after this. Seriously though, book your smears, it could save your life.

No nap judgement

If you want to go ahead and have 5 naps a day then you can dahlinnnn, and my god you whillll!

Pregnancy
Credit: Gregory Pappas

Function over form

Gone are the days when you actually have to make an effort to put some sort of outfit together. Oh no girl, you wear what you want, when you want. We are living in a post Rihanna pregnancy world so if it’s roasting out and you want to wear a crop top, go for it. If you wanna live in oversized hoodies and crocs, you do you. There are no rules. Maternity wear is trash anyway so as little of it as you can buy, the better. Unless you have a thing for stripey tops in which case, you’re gonna be in your element!

Mood swings are easily forgiven

One second, you’re purple with rage at your fella leaving pubes in the shower threatening to leave him and do this all alone as a single mother because he obviously doesn’t care about you, the next you’ve never loved anyone more and then the next you’re having a full on snotty nosed, red eyed breakdown at the donkey sanctuary advert. It’s a fun ride and everyone just has to climb aboard and accept it.

The baby moving

Let’s end on a nice one shall we. No matter how active your baby is, no matter how hard they kick, no one else will ever know the magic of feeling your baby wriggle and somersault inside you. It really is the best bit. And like the cheesy quotes say, your baby is the only one who knows what your heart sounds like from the inside. So, from the moment they’re born, you’ll have a unique bond that absolutely no one can replicate. Enjoy.

Congratulations all you mums and dads to be and may your labour end up as quick and smooth as the drop down a log flume.

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