27 things all Scousers know to be true - By Scouse Bird Blogs

By Scouse Bird Blogs

Think you’re the Scousest of the Scouse, see how you fair on our list of things only Scousers know to be true…

1. If your bin isn’t purple, you aren’t Scouse. Soz.

2. You strongly believe that “The Races” should be an official holiday for Scousers and any employer that doesn’t give you the day off for Ladies Day should receive a fine.

3. You don’t care that The Daily Mail slags off Liverpool at Aintree Races – if they actually liked what you were wearing then you know you’ve failed big time.

4. If someone says they’re “from Merseyside” then they’re not from Liverpool, therefore they are a wool.

5. You know who Pete Price is and you know he has lizard blood.

6. Phoning Pete Price’s show to wind him up and then getting banned is a rite of passage.

7. Scousers take slang to another level – soz aba you if you don’t know what arlarse means.

8. You’ll cringe whenever a Scouser is on the telly.

9. You don’t understand why a) no actors can actually do a scouse accent and b) why they don’t hire scousers for scouse parts

10. You’re only ever six foot away from someone who was/is an extra on Hollyoaks/Brookside.

11. Outside of Liverpool, North Face is a prestigious brand that the middle classes like to wear for their weekend walks. In Liverpool it’s the uniform of the kids that hang round outside St John’s with their hands down their pants. Bonus: This makes posh people from outside of Liverpool fume and it’s hilarious. Almost as funny as when chavs ruined Burberry for all the snobs.

12. “Yer ma.”

13. You’ll call Concert Square for everything but as soon it’s above 5 degrees in the summer you’ll always find yourself spending the day drinking pitchers outside in the communal beer garden.

14. “Take one for yourself” means “Take 20p” – not literally take a drink for yourself.

15. You’ve been told off by your mum for calling The Slug & Lettuce ‘The Slag & Lettuce.’

16. You get defensive of the Scouse Brow (It’s not a Power Brow – K’off Vogue). You fume when some horrible slugs are dubbed a Scouse Brow but then some eyebrow porn is credited as a Power Brow. We started the strong eyebrow game – let us have this one.

17. Snarl lines are a real thing and mean you have to consider botox before 30. Sly.

18. You or someone you know has tried and failed to set up a Scouse Meme account on Insta

19. Scousers get new Easter clothes.

20. And new PJ’s on Christmas Eve. That’s a Scouse Law.

21. It’s Home & Bargain, not Home Bargains. That’s what it used to be called and we don’t take kindly to change and all this new fangled language. Starburst will always be Opal Fruits and I will never put ‘Cif’ lemon on my pancakes either.

22. It’s The Asda, not Asda. No idea why. It just is.

23. Scousers are some of the most tolerant and welcoming people, probably due to our rich history as a port city, from my experience, the only severe discrimination that goes down is towards those who dis the city – Scouse Twitter is real!

24. Slag off Popworld all you want but after some ill-advised after work drinks on a Monday night you’ll find yourself wrapped round their pole and demanding the DJ plays the 5ive megamix next.

25. You got pissed off when anyone suggested that ‘the ugly ones’ from Girls Aloud and Spice Girls were Scousers. They’re wools. And actually fitties so shut up.

26. Koka Noodles are a pre-payday staple and a kitchen cupboard essential. Get lost with your Supernoodles.

27. It’s a job requirement of driving a taxi that you lie to students and wools about having gone to school with either Wayne Rooney or Steven Gerrard. From my experience of getting taxis in the past 30 years, Steven Gerrard is still in contact with a lot of his school friends and all of them seem to be cab drivers.