Scouse Bird Blogs gives us 10 ways to please your Scouse bird this Valentine’s Day

Scouse Bird Blogs has become a Scouse institution so it’s only right that we get her top tips on how to please your very own Scouse bird this Valentine’s Day. Take it away Steph…

Send flowers to her work (from a local florist obv) – don’t just get her flowers, that’s not the point. The only point of flowers is so she can show them off and make everyone else jealous. Send them to her work so Sue from accounts can spend the day snarling at her.

Really earn that “The boy did good” Instagram post. Go for quantity. What’s the point of one big prezzie (unless it’s a Chanel bag)? That won’t do the job. She needs PILES of prezzies for that all important Insta snap. Bonus points for rose petals sprinkled around in an aesthetically pleasing manner.

Hotel stay. Speaking of rose petals, I’m going to assume you’ve been a dead sound Scouse fella here and taken advantage of one of the many Valentine’s hotel deals on offer around the city. Make sure you check in early and sprinkle rose petals on the bed, the bath, by the window… anywhere you want to get your hole basically. A bottle of bubbly on ice wouldn’t go amiss either. Lots of  hotels to choose from here.

Food really is the way to her heart. If you’re doing the hotel, you must do the meal and again with all the Valentines offers from local restaurants it doesn’t have to cost a bomb. Whether you decide on a bit of Ooh La La French Cuisine, a romantic Italian, some sexy Spanish Tapas, there’s bargains and brownie points out there for the taking. Get on all of these Valentine’s dining deals here.

Make sure you get her a card. I know, I know, cards are a pain in the arse but whether she likes something cute and fluffy, or something a bit rude and cheeky, there’s plenty of Liverpool based card and gift shops to make sure you get the perfect card for her. And do us a favour? Make sure you write something more than “Dear Jodie, Love Dave” in it. Thanks.

Do something unexpected. The best gifts are the ones she doesn’t see coming – and no Dan, I’m not talking about a dick pic sent at two in the afternoon while she’s running a work meeting. If she’s out for lunch and you know where, call up and pay the bill or send her over a drink – this is a double whammy because whoever she’s out with (mum, friend, colleague) will automatically bear witness to what a top fella she’s got… and see point one, they’ll be jealous.

Show her you pay attention. Is there somewhere she goes religiously to get her hair/nails/filler done? Get her a voucher. Then next time she goes she can spend the whole time smiling over how boss you are.

Get a little extra mushy. If you’re the type of fella who literally never says “I love you” then just get over yourself and say it. No one ever gets tired of hearing it, and no one ever got less action in the bedroom for saying it. If you’re already a mush, dial it up times 10.

Go to town on her orgasm. You usually spend 2 minutes on a half-hearted rub? Set a timer for at least 40 minutes, get some sex toys, some lube, make sure you’re doing tongue exercises in the run up and blow her goddamn mind.

And a sure-fire way to please your bird without it costing a single penny? Take the fucking bins out for once. Before she asks.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Love, Scouse Bird

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